


when you're young you just run

by allthisdevotion



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 02:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8731852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthisdevotion/pseuds/allthisdevotion
Summary: Rory and Logan. Pre, during, and post AYITL. Because their story is a complicated one and definitely requires some context.





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written fanfiction in over six years, and I haven't written Gilmore Girls fanfiction in even longer than that. But I've always loved Rory and Logan together and after seeing the revival this just poured out of me. It’s my attempt to make sense of the situation they find themselves in. This is told from Rory's POV and will be three parts. Pre, during, and post AYITL.

It starts in Hamburg over the holidays. December of 2014, if you want to be precise. 

There was once a time when Rory Gilmore would never dream of being anywhere but Stars Hollow for Christmas. But a lot has changed since then. She’s a vagabond. She’s Jack Kerouac. She’s on the road. (Or she’s desperate to prove herself, and stays away longer and longer until she finally feels worthy of the praise they give her.) And she’s spending the month of December in Germany chasing a story she’s not even all that invested in. So it's the holidays and she’s in Hamburg. And so is Logan. 

The way it happens is every bit a movie cliché. She’s in a crowded bar, with some other freelancers on the same beat as her. They’re getting drinks and debating the merits of the Oxford comma when she turns around and knocks right into him, spills his beer down the front of his shirt. She looks up, starts to apologize, and then their eyes meet. She stops mid-sentence, suddenly unable to speak. 

He smirks and says, “You know this would be a cute meet if we hadn’t already met.”

She laughs, and hands him a napkin. “Hi Logan.” 

He grabs her hand, and the napkin all at once, and doesn’t let go. “Hey Ace.”

She’d like to say they talked for hours, caught up on each other’s lives, shared stories and apologized for past mistakes. But it’s more like him backing her up against the wall of a dive bar, his hands in her hair, hers fisting his blue button down shirt, all of five minutes after they've exchanged pleasantries. It’s fireworks exploding, and rockets red glaring, and the best kiss she’s had since the last time they kissed. 

Her lucky red dress ends up on the floor of a hotel in Hamburg, and she couldn’t care less. 

:::

They spend the last two weeks of the year huddled up in his hotel room together, leaving only when necessary. He’s there on business, and she’s technically chasing a story, so their days are often booked, but their nights, their nights are free. 

Eventually they do catch up on each other lives. He tells her about London, and how he’s working for his Dad again. (She knows. She already knows it all thanks to Facebook and LinkedIn and Instagram, but she doesn’t tell him that.) She tells him about life on the road, and Taylor’s grand master plans for Stars Hollow. They talk about their growing families and their siblings, and the changing Journalism industry. They debate the death of print. They spend New Year's Eve together, tangled in his bed sheets eating burgers and French fries and drinking champagne. 

It's the happiest she's been in years.

:::

The clock strikes midnight, a new year starts and then the panic sets in. 

He's in the other room, calling down for breakfast and she's lying in his bed, wearing nothing but his t-shirt when she starts thinking things through. 

She has to be in NYC in less then a day. And Stars Hollow in less than a week. Then California. London at some point and then who knows. She couldn't even make an educated guess as to when she'd be able to see him again. And that's without adding in the work schedule of a London based media mogul. This will never work. He'll never want to do long distance. Not again. And not like this with no set plans for the future. 

The thought of this ending badly leaves her queasy. But so does the thought of losing contact completely. So she throws back the covers and searches for her jeans as she starts rehearsing a speech in her head. 

When he walks in with coffee and croissants, she's already tugging on her jeans, desperate to get out of there before she falls apart. One look at him and she knows he knows what she's doing. 

"You're making me feel cheap, Ace."

She throws his shirt at him and tries to laugh. "Sorry. I've got a flight to catch," she says around the lump in her throat.

"Where to now?"

"Back to Brooklyn." She says, as she starts throwing things into her suitcase haphazardly- so different from the way she used to pack. (So different from the girl she used to be.) "Hep Alien has a gig, so I thought I'd stop in. Actually spend a few days in the apartment I'm paying for, pitch a few pieces to publishers. Then catch a ride back with Lane. Stop by to see Mom and Luke. And I haven't been to Friday night dinner in forever."

"You're a busy woman."

"And you're a busy man." She zips her suitcase with a little more effort than necessary, then finally looks up. "That's why I think this can work."

"This?"

"You live in London. And I live... everywhere. I know we can't do this for real...But maybe we can do this...." She gestures between them, "When we can." She kisses him softly. "I do come to London pretty often these days. And what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?"

For a minute she thinks he's going to protest, but then he says, "Vegas. Right." A beat, and then, "I'll call you a car." 

As she gets into the back of a town car he hands her a cup of coffee, and gives her a sweet, slow kiss that feels anything but casual. "Let me know when you're back in London."

It's not enough, but it's enough for now.

:::

She doesn't mean for them to fall back into their old ways so easily. But they do. 

It starts with texts and emails. Then goes to phone calls and video chats. She lets him know when she’s coming to London, and makes plans. Plays. Tours. Trips to the homes of Austen and Shakespeare. Her hotel rooms go unused, so she stops booking them after the fourth or fifth visit. They go to dinner. They talk about their day. They grab drinks with Colin and Finn when the boys visit. She rants and complains about her trouble finding steady work. He practices his HPG pitches with her. They spend more than a few nights curled up on the couch watching Netflix. Downton Abbey for her. Then Halt and Catch Fire for him. 

They manage this non-relationship much like they did the first time he was in London. Much like they would have if they'd stayed together when she graduated and he moved to California. It feels like before, when they were in the early stages of stringless fun, but actually only dating each other. 

It feels like coming home. 

:::

For once he’s going to be in New York. It’s a business trip, and he’s only in for the weekend. But still, she makes plans. To show him her tiny apartment. To take him to the hole-in-the wall Italian restaurant that’s her absolute favorite. To sleep late on Sunday morning and walk to brunch holding hands. So she tells her mom she can’t come home that weekend, writes her freelance pieces in advance, and makes a few reservations. Despite herself, she’s excited. 

But when she answers the knock on her door first thing Friday morning, it’s not Logan. It’s Finn, Colin and Robert instead. Finn has a sullen expression on his face when he greets her, but it’s Colin that drops the bad news. Something came up, he tells her, and Logan wasn’t able to make the trip, but he sent the boys to keep her company. 

They go out for Italian and walk around the city, and all crash on her apartment floor for two days. On Sunday when they leave, after brunch at her favorite spot, she goes home, locks the door, and cries. Then she calls Logan and tells him that frankly, she probably had a better time with the boys than she ever would have with him.

:::

Their weekend in Brooklyn that never was is a wakeup call. 

She's attached and it freaks her out. They're not in a relationship. She's not in a relationship. She needs to be rootless and independent. Meeting new people. Dating around. She's not supposed to be attached. She's not supposed to be getting serious. Her life is not where it’s supposed to be for serious. She has things to accomplish still. She can't be serious. So she starts dating other people. 

She meets Paul via an old friend from the Obama campaign who thought a nice girl like Rory could appreciate a sweet guy like Paul. (Rory hasn't gone for sweet since she was 16, and she's not sure she's all that nice anymore but that’s neither here nor there.) They go out a handful of times and he's not a bad guy. But he's not for her either. 

It's not just the tea thing. Or his lack of a love of breakfast food. Or that when you ask him what kind of music he likes, he says _Everything._ It’s that he wants a different type of life. Paul wants to get married. Paul wants to settle down. Paul wants to move back to his hometown and start having kids right away. That is not what Rory wants. 

She knows she should cut him loose, but she can't bring herself to let go. She needs that life vest. He's like an insurance policy. Which doesn't get less shitty no matter how she phrases it. When Logan doesn't answer his phone, she calls Paul. When he cancels plans, she calls Paul. When she needs a date to a networking event, she calls Paul. It's a horrible thing to do but she does it anyway. 

Eventually, her mom and grandmother start asking about her love life and she panics. If her mother knew she was seeing Logan again she'd freak. Emily Gilmore would start planning the wedding. They definitely can't know. That's how Paul ends up coming to Friday night dinner. He meets Lorelai and Luke and Emily and Richard. And it's perfectly nice. But everyone knows he's a passing ship and no one gets invested.

He's a love interest that causes no family drama. She keeps him around. 

:::

Paul may not be all that interesting, or even all that memorable, but that's ok. Paul exists in her NYC world, and occasionally her Connecticut world. But she's not in that world all that often anymore.

The rest of the time there’s Logan.

There's Logan offering her closet space in his London apartment. There's Logan surprising her in Paris when she didn't even tell him she'd be there. There's Logan copyediting her piece for Slate. There's Logan ruining the series finale of _Mad Men_ for her before she has time to watch it. There's Logan sending Colin, Finn, and Robert to cheer her up when she's had a particularly bad day.

Logan is everywhere. And it feels so natural, so right, so much like it should, that she doesn't even notice the asteroid heading right for her. 

:::

She's standing barefoot in the middle of her kitchen when she sees it. One minute she's chugging coffee and enjoying a breakfast of mini doughnuts and potato chips as she flips through the Sunday edition of the _New York Times_ , and the next she's looking at a picture of Logan wrapped around a French waif. She drops her coffee mug. Nauseous, she sinks to the floor, back against her cabinets, suddenly unable to stand. 

She should have seen it coming. But honestly her life is tearing apart at the seams in so many different ways that sometimes it’s hard to keep track. So the extra phone calls, the not-so-subtle digs at his father, all the talk about the Huntzberger destiny, and finally, his insistence that she come visit because he just needs to see her in person, they all went right over her head. Until now. 

She didn’t even know he was seeing anyone else. Sure, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But they’ve been in Vegas quite a lot lately. She feels…20 again. Catching him on State Street with another girl.

She hates herself for it, but she reads every single word of the full-page engagement announcement. Then spends the next three hours googling Odette. 

:::

She ignores his calls for about a week before he gives in and starts explaining via text. First…I’m sorry. Then. _I was planning to talk to you about this._ _Then It wasn’t planned._ Followed by _My mother arranged the announcement. I would never blindside you like that on purpose._ It’s _Ace, please_ that gets her. 

She's in a coffee shop by her apartment mooching off of the free Wi-Fi and staring at the rain as it splashes against the window when she finally answers him. Just so he stops texting her she responds with two words. _It's fine._

It's not fine. Obviously it's not fine. It's not fine at all. It's so far from fine she'd need Google Maps to find fine. But she doesn't have a leg to stand on in this situation so what else can she say? It has to be fine.

Two seconds later he’s calling her, and because she's in a public place and therefore less likely to start screaming at him, she answers. “Logan.” 

“Ace. Please. I wanted to talk to you before all of this happened. I know this looks bad but my parents set this thing up and it was never supposed to—”

“Don’t worry about it.” She cuts him off because she just can’t hear anymore. Her voice is already cracking. “Vegas, right? Do what you have to do.”

“Rory—”

“Logan, look, I get it. You didn’t want me to find out this way. But I did." She picks at her blueberry muffin and tries to find the right words. "And now that I know... I know. And I can’t un-know.” 

“No Rory, you don’t understand.”

“I think I understand perfectly Logan.” She pauses, takes a sip of her coffee, and adds “You’re engaged. That part was correct, yes?”

He sighs. She can practically see him, running his hands through his hair. “Yes, but.”

“Then I understand.”

Her words are icier than she intends, icier than they should be for someone having a what was apparently a casual fling, so she adds, “It’s good timing anyway. I’ve been busy lately. I’ve got this new piece I’m working on for _The New Yorker_ that I think can be a game changer for me."

“That’s awesome, Ace. I’m really happy for you.”

She closes her eyes and sighs, because she knows he really is. “Thanks.” 

“When are you in town? Let me take you for a drink. We can celebrate…and talk about this whole thing. I want you to know the whole story, but I want to do it in person.”

She steels herself for the impending fight. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” 

“Rory, please. Let me—” 

“I’ve got to run, but congratulations,” she adds, her voice cracking on the last word. 

She loves him. She never stopped loving him. But she can’t do this. She can’t be the other woman. Not again. 

:::

She misses him like crazy. 

It's not until he's gone again that she realizes just how many strings there really were, and just how tangled up they'd gotten. They'd talked almost every day for the last six months. More than her and Lane. More than her and Paris. More than her and her mother. She doesn't know how it happened, but even now she can’t bring herself to regret it. 

Despite this she spends most of the summer expertly dodging his calls. It gets a little tricky when he somehow finds her other two numbers, but she manages it. Two calls from Colin. Three from Robert. Five from Finn. Plus a string of unanswered text messages and one drunken voicemail that sounds like it’s from all four that she still can’t quite decipher. Then the cycle starts again. But she’s determined to stay away. 

That is, until she gets a call from her mother. And her world tilts backwards on its axis. 

:::

She’s in New York when she hears. Out on a date with Paul of all people. (She’s trying to give this a fair shot. Really she is.) They’re at a fusion restaurant in Brooklyn with tiny portions and overpriced drinks, and he’s telling some story about his family or his coworkers that she can’t quite remember even as he tells it. So when her mom calls her she doesn’t hesitate to pick up. 

She listens to her mom tell the story. Listens to her explain that her grandfather is in the ICU and that he doesn’t have much time. The news sinks in and before she even realizes it she’s sobbing. Uncontrollably. And all she can think about is the fact that while her grandfather is dying she's sitting here. With Paul. A man who, upon meeting him, her grandfather, pulled her aside and said _Erm..he’s a nice fellow, but let the boy down easy, Rory._ Then he patted her on the back, and went to pour himself another drink.

Even still, Paul is sweet and accommodating in a crisis. He takes her home. He doesn’t pry. He sends a beautiful floral arrangement for the wake. She tries not to look for Logan in the crowd, but she’s somehow still disappointed when he doesn’t show up. 

Then again, he never did do anything the way she expected him to. 

:::

When she gets to her hotel in London. He’s there.

She's tired and out of it, and ready to collapse, but when she rounds the corner, key in hand, there he is. Arms crossed, leaning against the door, looking pretty exhausted himself, but handsome as ever. He looks up and catches her eyes and gives her half a smile. "Hey Ace."

She’s in his arms without even realizing it, hugging him so tightly she can barely breathe. But she doesn’t care because he smells like scotch and leather and that expensive cologne she only ever associates with him. “Hi,” she mumbles into his coat, her tears wetting the fabric.

He hugs her back, kisses the top of her forward, wipes at the tears on her cheeks. “I didn’t know if you’d want to see me after the way we left things. But I couldn’t stay away.”

She just shakes her head, and hugs him tighter. "I'm so happy you're here." 

She knows she should be stronger, but right then, she’s just not.


	2. part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's desperately, irreversibly, helplessly in love with Logan Huntzberger. And she's also sure she's currently the worst version of herself she's ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to get this part out. I honestly planned to have it out the very next week. But when I sat down to write it I kept getting stuck. Because this is where I needed to stick to canon and justify Rory Gilmore actively and continuously participating in an affair, and I couldn’t figure out how to do that and still like her. Then this week the words just started flowing. Fair warning, Rory is far from perfect and a little bit selfish in these chapters, and there’s some definite angst. But that’s what ASP gave us in AYITL e so that’s where I’m taking this. So please let me know what you think. 
> 
> A/N 2: I originally mentioned that this would be three chapters, but it will probably be closer to 5 now since this chapter leaves us at the beginning of fall.

A/N: I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to get this next part out. I honestly planned to have it out the very next week. But when I sat down to write it I kept getting stuck. Because this is where I needed to stick to canon and justify Rory Gilmore actively and continuously participating in an affair, and I couldn’t figure out how to do that and still like her. Then this week the words just started flowing. Fair warning, Rory is far from perfect and a little bit selfish in these chapters, and there’s some definite angst. But that’s what ASP gave us in AYITL so that’s where I’m taking this. Please let me know what you think. 

A/N 2: I originally mentioned that this would be three chapters, but it will probably be closer to 5 now since this chapter leaves us at the beginning of fall. 

part two

The next morning, while she snuggles in his sweater, sipping coffee she's not sure how he made appear, they have one very brief conversation about Logan's relationship status. She's wrapped in his arms, his hand drawing circles on her back when he first broaches the subject. “The thing with Odette. It’s not what you think.”

And just like that her sense of calm is gone. Rory sits up, her whole body tensing as she breaks free from his arms to put some distance between them. Then says, “I think you’re engaged.”

“Yes...I am,” He scrubs his hands across his face, groans, gets up off the bed and walks across the room and then back towards her. “But it’s not…” He pauses, trying to find the right word. “Real. It wasn’t real. I wasn’t seeing her. There was no dating. I didn’t get down on one knee. There was no proposal.”

Her heart jumps at the prospect that this all might be some giant misunderstanding, that maybe, just maybe she doesn’t have to say goodbye to him. But then she thinks of that photo in the Times, Logan’s arms draped around another woman. She stands up and prepares herself for this conversation. 

“Logan that doesn’t make sense. I saw the announcement.”

“Rory.” He grabs her shoulders, turns her towards him. She sees the crinkle in his brow. He’s frustrated. It’s a tell she discovered long ago. “It’s a business arrangement. A merger. Odette’s family has deep pockets but no pedigree. We have the pedigree but need money to keep expanding at the same rate as digital media.”

“Oh…. oh.” She breaks away from him, moves towards the bed and sits down again with a sigh. “Oh….so you’re Dad set this up?”

“Yes.” He says slowly, taking a step towards her. 

“And…you and Odette…you’re not together? There’s no…there’s no feelings there?”

"No." He shakes his head. "Rory, no." 

He moves to reach for her but then thinks better of it. 

"We’ve probably spent a few days together tops. We met before this whole thing started at a family function and then ran into each other a few times because we ran in the same circles. Some tabloids started speculating that we were dating and our parents jumped on it immediately. They thought it was a perfect match.”

She sighs, and asks the question she’s afraid to know the answer to. “Is it?”

“No,” he says quickly and firmly. “Rory no. Odette is a nice enough person, but there are no feelings there. We were never dating.”

“And now?”

“Now?” He sighs and starts pacing, “Now we’re both trying to navigate this mess. Trying to figure out the best way out. At the photo shoot, we agreed this thing between us is strictly business. Neither one of us was exactly planning for this. She’s still living in Paris, and has her own life over there. I haven’t even seen her since." 

She'd forgotten how fast he talks when he's nervous. How his first defense in an argument is to bombard his opponent with information. Lay it all out on the table. Let them know the full story before they can create false assumptions. Logic. It's a tactic that's worked on her before.

“Logan...”

He’s still pacing. 

“I wanted to talk to you about all of this before it happened. I’ve been trying to get out of this since it started but it’s complicated. My father is nothing if not a master manipulator. And when I signed back on I never thought—”

She stands, takes a step towards him. “Logan.”

“My mother put the announcement in the paper without telling me. I would never blindside you like that, Ace." He pulls her into his arms, finally. "When I opened the society section and saw that—”

She takes a deep breath. Thinks it through. Thinks about the fact that she doesn't want this to end. The fact that she's not exactly single either. The fact that she hasn't seem him in months. The fact that she hasn't felt settled and centered like she did this morning since the last time she was with him. She considers it all, creating the pro/con list in her head. And then she makes a decision. 

“Logan...it’s ok.”

“Ok?”

“Yeah. It’s ok. I mean we’re Vegas right. So you don’t have to answer to me. And I appreciate that this isn’t how you wanted me to find out. And now that I know that it’s not a romantic relationship then I feel better about this. Us.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I mean we’re just having fun, right? So it’s fine. Continuing to have fun for now…I think it’s fine.”

“So you’re…you’re ok with this? You’re fine continuing how things are? You don’t want to…you’re fine with me…staying with Odette?”

“I mean…if you’re fine with it. You’re the one the has to marry her.”

“Oh, well then…ok.”

“Ok.”

She wraps her arms around him and kisses him fiercely, willing them both to forget all about Odette. 

:::

After that, they fall back into old habits easily. She’s in London for a solid period of time, finishing up her New Yorker piece with Naomi. And there’s talk of turning it into something longer form if it does well, which isn’t really her thing, but hey it’s money. And she’s not in a position to be turning that down these days. 

During times like this, it’s easy to ignore to rest of the world, easy to get wrapped up in a fantasy of what could be. She meets him for lunches during the week, and they see shows on Saturday night, and watch soccer games at the pub with Colin and Finn when they’re in town. Sometimes, they just order in, snuggled up on the couch together. She leaves her socks in between his sheets and her books scattered around the apartment, and places her toothbrush next to his. It feels like home.

That is, if she ignores the fact that she has a boyfriend and he has a fiancé, and her mother knows nothing about their (non) relationship and just focuses in on them in their own little bubble.

:::

Arriving in Stars Hollow to find her boyfriend of three years (seriously how did that happen?) waiting for her is the reality check she needs. Paul may not be the guy for her but he’s sweet, and supportive and stable, and he deserves better than the way she’s been treating him.

After a quick visit with her mom and Luke, and dinner with her grandmother, she leaves home with the intention of breaking it off with both him _and_ Logan. 

And fails on both accounts. 

With Paul, surprise, surprise she forgets. She’s not proud of it, but that’s exactly what happens. Probably because she’s too busy rehearsing her speech to Logan and prepping for her meeting with Naomi (seriously she needs this to go well) to consider anything else. 

She arrives on Logna’s doorstep high off a successful meeting with Naomi, and a little tipsy on Bourbon, but ready to do what needs to be done. He doesn’t think she’s arriving until tonight so he should be at the office. His maid, who knows her by now, will answer the door and let her in without questions. Then Rory will swoop in, pick up the boxes she had shipped there and head back to the hotel room she’s booked. Once she’s made it back to her room, she’ll call him and give him the speech. In person just leaves too much room for persuasion. 

At least that’s the plan.

Instead Logan answers the door, shirt half unbuttoned, hair mussed, and tie loose around his neck. He looks up when he sees her, stops his buttoning and smiles. “You’re not my dry cleaning.”

Her heart drops to her stomach. “Logan…what are you doing home? I was expecting Sara.”

“She’s here, but I got stuck on a conference call this morning and ended up working from home. I’m headed in now.”

“Oh.” He steps back, motions for her to come in, and she realizes she’s still standing on his doorstep, carrying her mostly empty suitcase that she was planning to fill with her belongings. 

“Don’t just stand there Ace, come in.” She takes a step forward, and it’s all over. He grabs her suitcase from her hand and throws it to the side. Then wraps his arms around her waist, and backs her into the door as he closes it. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to be home.” She repeats. He laughs, and leans in, his voice low, his head resting against hers. “And I wasn’t expecting you until tonight.” He smirks, pulls her closer. “Guess fate had other plans, huh?”

She snorts, throws her head back against the door and surrenders to the kisses he’s placing along her neck. After all, who is she to argue with fate?

:::

They say love is supposed to make you a better person. Lift you higher. Make your strive to be more than you ever were. If that's the case, than someone royally screwed up the way she’s wired.

Because she's sure she's desperately, irreversibly, helplessly in love with Logan Huntzberger. And she's also sure she's currently the worst version of herself she's ever been. Sleeping with another woman's husband is something she vowed she would never do again. The fact that it's another woman's fiancé isn't making matters much better.

Running into Mitchum Huntzberger at lunch and feeling like the dirty mistress just makes it ten times worse. She’d thought she’d gotten over her fear of Mitchum a long time ago, but with the way her career has been going lately, his words ring in her head. Her biggest fear is that he was right this whole time. That she really doesn’t have it, and she should have listened to him a long time ago. It makes her paranoid and needy and she absolutely hates it. And her conversations with Naomi do not help. Maybe that’s why she breaks their unspoken agreement and asks if she could stay longer. 

And gets an answer that’s way more than she bargained for. (A firm No would have been fine.) Every time she leaves she wonders when she'll arrive. And now she knows. It’s most likely the next day. 

He says it’s just a business relationship, and she wants to believe him. She does for the most part. But he's going to marry this girl someday. And kids are all but mandated. So eventually it will be for real, or at least as real as Shira and Mitchum ever were. The thought of it makes her queasy.

So she kisses him goodbye as he puts her in car, and resolves to keep her distance.

:::

If she can’t break it off with Logan, the obvious solution would be for her to break it off with Paul, and more importantly for him to break it off with Odette right? Right. 

Except she can’t ask him to do that. 

She’s already ruined his first chance at a happy marriage a long time ago when she turned down his proposal. She can’t do that again. And she knows he says its just business, but she knows Logan. And she knows he wouldn’t have agreed to this if he couldn’t at least see himself being happy with Odette someday. But he did agree to it. And has continued to agree to it the entire time they’ve been seeing each other. So as much as she hates to admit it to herself, there must be something there. And she just can’t ask him to give that up.

Because it’s not just Odette. It’s his father. His family. His job. It’s all tied up into one grand, dynastic plan. Pull one thread and it all falls to pieces. And she won’t be the person that tears his life apart. She won’t bring him into her mess when he’s happy with his life. 

Sure, he works hard because he wants to prove a point to his father but she can tell he also genuinely enjoys the work, that he feels like he's found his place in the world. That he earned it back, when his California startup became so successful that his father bought them out and brought Logan back into the business. He worked his way up this time. It wasn't handed to him. And he respects himself more for it. His relationship with his father and his family has mostly healed, and she knows how much that means to him, even if he won’t admit it. 

The Huntzbergers hated her before, she can’t imagine what they’d say if they found out she was the reason he broke it off with the perfect Odette. The reason the company loses Odette’s family money. The reason Logan and his family become estranged again. She loves Logan, and she won’t be the one to do that to him. 

Especially when she doesn’t even know if that’s what he really wants. 

:::

To get her mind off of what might be happening in London, she focuses her energy on other problems. (These days there are just so many to choose from.) Like her floundering career. Or rather, convincing a bunch of high school students that her career is not actually floundering. As she thinks about what to tell the Chilton students she tries to figure out how her life became such a mess. And she's sure if she went to a psychologist they could give her plenty of reasons. But honestly some of it was just pure chance and bad luck.

Journalism is dying. Or at least changing. And try as she might she can’t get into Twitter. She can't write click bait headlines. Or get a following online. Or write all of her articles in the form of lists. And she thinks that there should be more words than pictures. But most of the Internet doesn't agree with her. And the print world stopped hiring full time long ago. 

The work she's doing right now doesn’t excite her. It hasn't for a long time. And she's burnt out. Tired of living out of a suitcase, and not having roots. Tired of trying to pitch stories, and tired of wondering where her next paycheck is coming from.

Even still, when Head Master Charleston suggests teaching she's horrified. That's a fall back option. Sure she loves learning, and enjoyed talking to those kids, and is thrilled by the idea of a steady paycheck and a job close to home, but there's no way she could take it. Teaching is for people who can't make it. And she has to make it. 

She's just so tired of trying to prove herself. Prove that it was worth it. That all her hard work got her somewhere. That it was worth everyone else's sacrifices. That she has something to show for herself. Sometimes she feels like it was, but most of the time, most of the time she feels like a failure and a phony. 

She'd read an article about it: imposter syndrome. They tell you to fake it til you make it. But she's been faking it for a very long time now and she's not sure she'll ever feel like she's made it. Still, she puts on a brave face for mom and Luke, and Grandma. Even for Paris and Lane most of the time. 

"I'm not in a bad stretch," she tells Head Master Charleston.

She’ll fake it ‘til she makes it. 

:::

Maybe, maybe if her personal and professional life weren’t so entwined she could stick to her promise to keep her distance from Logan.

But after that embarrassing meeting with Headmaster Charleston she breaks her resolve to stay away and breaks a promise she made to herself a long time ago all in one sweep. At 20 she promised never use Logan for his connections. At 32 she does just that. 

She hates herself for it, but she’s desperate. Before her career was floundering, but now it might as well be up in flames. She’s in a tailspin with no one where to go and no one to turn to. Except him. Even at her worst she's always been able to turn to him and he's never judged her, never pushed her to live up to some perfect princess version of herself. So she falls off her pedestal and asks him for help. Because she knows she can. Because she knows he'll still be there.

:::

It’s official her life is going up in flames. 

She tanks her interview with Condé Nast. Her grandfather is dead. She can’t make the lines story work. She’s lying to her mother. Her grandmother is going through an identity crisis. And oh yeah, Logan is engaged to another woman. So Rory sleeps with a Wookie. 

It’s just that simple. 

Ok, there might be a few other details in there. Something about repressed grief for her grandfather. Her desperate need for approval. Her lack of ambition. And the love of her life being engaged to someone else. But when it really boils down to it, Logan isn’t around so she sleeps with a Wookie.

She could have just called Paul. (Her actual boyfriend, who she just cheated on, she reminds herself, hoping and failing to dredge up some guilt.) But something about this situation called for adding a new face to the mix. And a furry one at that.

After that, she tanks the SandeeSays interview and moves back home. But hey, at least it's not her grandmother’s pool house this time. 

:::

She doesn’t think things could get any worse. But as if life is desperate to prove her wrong, they do get worse. Much, much worse. 

She loves being home and spending time with her mom and Luke, but she doesn’t want to face the fact that she might actually be back. Lane is busy with Zack and the kids and the 30something gang freaks her out, and frankly she can only rewatch Buffy so many times. So she caves and calls Logan. Some time in London will do her some good. So time with him in London will do her some good. Because keeping her distance sucks.

It’s not until the words are out of her mouth though that she realizes he’s also been keeping his distance. And now she knows why. 

Odette’s moved in.

She's living with him. There everyday. Her toothbrush sits next to his on the counter in the bathroom. Her (probably too expensive) shoes are left by the doorway. Her hair is falling on his pillow in the bed they're sharing together. 

The weight of what they're doing crushes her for the first time since she saw the wedding announcement. But still, she can't bring herself to end it. So instead she ends the call, sits outside her childhood home and wonders how she got here.

:::

Needless to say she doesn’t make it out in a few weeks. 

Instead she ignores his calls, and texts him that some things came up that she needs to take of. He calls her immediately after the text was sent, but she sends it to voicemail. Logan is getting married. Logan is living with his fiancé. She needs to let this go. 

She calls Paul and instead of breaking up with him, she lets him take her to dinner. Then she posts a photo of the two of them with his arm around her at a restaurant in Hartford on Instagram. The very first photo of her with a guy in years. It’s petty and ridiculous and an absolutely terrible thing to do to Paul, but satisfying in the moment. 

Like she said, the worst version of herself she’s ever been. 

:::

The Stars Hollow Gazette is a welcome distraction. It's not groundbreaking news, but it's still hers. And it’s honestly harder than she would ever want to admit to anyone. She writes some articles about the town, some book reviews, and opinions pieces, and even taps Doyle for a few things. She has to stop herself twice, but she doesn’t email Logan to get opinion pieces from him and she’s proud of the small victory.

She’s settling into things a little bit when Jess stops in, and tilts her world on its access again. He plants a seed that just keeps growing despite her best efforts, and before she knows it she’s outlining chapters. She hasn’t felt this inspired in a long time. She’s excited about writing again, and feels like she has a story to tell that no one else can. She feels like this is the story she was meant to write.

Which makes it all the worse when her mother all but forbids her from writing it.

:::

After her fight with her mom she cracks. Logan was always the one she ran to when things got tough with Lorelai. It’s so instinctual that she calls him without even realizing it. She hangs up, every time but the itch to spill her guts to him is overwhelming. So instead she tells Lane everything.

Lane is shocked, then firm in her advice, but not unkind. She’s never judged her Rory for her choices, even her less stellar ones. So it makes it easy to be honest. About how when they met again it was like no time at all had past. How she was afraid to get serious again before figuring out her life. How the chance for serious was gone before she even realized that was what she really wanted. How she’s desperately, hopelessly in love him. How she knows she needs to end it for good as much as it hurts to think about. 

So with Lane by her side she finds the strength to let Logan go. Then she makes a joke about the thirty-something gang. It’s all she can do not to break down right then and there.

::::

For anyone else that probably would have been the end of it. But Logan keeps calling. Often. She doesn't answer. Not even once. But still she doesn’t block him. Every time he calls her heart drops to her stomach. And yet, she can't help but smile. Because he's still calling. Even though he shouldn't be. And she likes it. Even though she shouldn't.

She's got a good streak going until one day when she's working at the Gazette and her phone goes off. It's not the ring she's set for Logan so she checks the caller id. It's Finn. She doesn't answer. So he calls again. And again. And again. Until finally, he texts, _I've got no responsibilities, an Amex Black, and room service, love. I can do this all day._

She knows he's right. So she picks up the next call, exasperated and amused all at once. "Why hello Finn."

"Rory, love, what a pleasant surprise. Just thought I'd give you a call to say hello."

"Really? That's why you’re calling?" Her skepticism is apparent.

She sits down at her desk and pours herself some whiskey. She has the feeling she's going to need it.

"And to find out why you and the heir Huntzberger have called it quits."

Yes, definitely going to need it. 

"I think you know why, Finn."

"That can be easily remedied."

"No Finn," she pours herself another finger of whiskey. "It really, really can't be." She takes a drink and sighs. "It's complicated."

"Only if you let it be."

She looks at her blank computer screen. She's supposed to be proofing pages of the Stars Hollow Gazette right now. But somehow she ended up rewriting parts of Chapter 2 instead. She doesn't answer.

"Rory, you know he'd cut off his right arm for you if only you'd ask. Why don't you just tell him what you want?"

"Finn...I don't even know what I want." She says weakly. 

"I think we both know that's a lie." 

She rests her head in her hand and tries to put into words what she's been struggling with for weeks. "I can't...I can't be what he needs Finn. Not really. My life is enough of a mess as it is. I can't ask him to mess up his too, just for me."

"I don't think that's the way he sees it, love."

Rory finishes off her drink. "But that's still the way it is."

"Rory. He's been miserable since you’ve cut him off. I haven't seem him this down since the last time you disappeared on him. And honestly Odet-she..."

"Finn." She cuts him off, choking back a sob in the process, but still, her tone is final. She doesn't think she can handle hearing about her as a real person. As someone Finn and Coin know and spend time with. "I appreciate you calling me. Really, I do. It means a lot that you're checking in on me. But I need to let this go, and so does he."

Finn sighs, understanding that things aren't changing. At least not right now. "Alright, love. I understand. But don't be a stranger. Pick up my call next time, eh? We won't be losing touch."

She smiles through her tears, clutching her phone tightly. "Of course Finn. And thanks again." Then she hangs up the phone, wipes her tears, and keeps writing.

::::

Since she’s not talking to Lorelai and Logan is no longer around to distract her focus, she puts all of her energy into her book. As summer turns to fall she writes the story of her and her mother, letting nostalgia overwhelm her. 

When she's not as inspired, she focuses on the Stars Hollow Gazette. Running a local newspaper challenges her in ways she wouldn’t expect. And she thinks she's finally found the right balance of legitimate journalism (Features by herself and Doyle, Opinions by Paris, and the occasional music review from Lane) and Stars Hollow whimsy (the poem stays put).

It's not the adventurous life she'd always imagined. But still, it's hers. And she enjoys it. If it wasn’t for her broken heart and her ridiculous fight with her mom, she’d almost say she was happy. But for now at least, she’ll say she’s content with her choices.

Then the streetlights go out on her walk home and that stupid crow starts talking.


	3. part three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She waits for him to say more. Waits for him to ask her to ask him not to. Waits for him to say it’s not what he wants. She waits for him to ask her to give him a reason not to. But he doesn’t. So she doesn’t. And that’s that then. She takes a sip of her champagne and steadies herself for goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize for the long wait between chapters. My muse has not been cooperating and this chapter was particularly hard for me to write because it put Rory and Logan in the same room together and they still couldn’t talk about their issues. But Part Three will take us through the end of AYITL and then I’m taking over, so hopefully things will flow a bit easier. Please drop me a line and let me know what you think. Thanks.

It’s the boys she sees first. 

Dressed in gorilla masks and steam punk ensembles it takes her all of a minute to figure out who they are, and try as she might, she can’t say she’s sorry to see them. 

As she listens to their drunken rambles she remembers how much she missed them, how Logan’s friends became her friends somewhere along the way. She lost them in the last breakup. But between Finn’s call, and now this, she’s happy to see that it might not be all or nothing this time around. She decides around the second mention of Scotch that she’s just going to go with this tonight. After all, she could use a little excitement. 

Then she hears his voice.

She turns around to meet his glance and loses her breath, genuinely shocked to find him standing there. When she ended it with Logan over the phone this summer, she really intended for that to be it. The end. Cue the sad depressing music. So seeing him here, standing in front of her? It kind of knocks her off her feet.

In the seconds it takes him to cross the distance and offer her his hat, and his hand, she forgets every reason she had for staying away from him. She forgets that this is a terrible idea that can only lead to disappointment, and that nothing will have changed tomorrow. She forgets the pro/con list she reads to herself every time she goes to call him. She forgets that the cons always seem to greatly outweigh the pros. At the moment, none of that seems to matter. Because apparently she needs at least a continent between them in order to think clearly. So she takes the hat. 

Tomorrow, she’ll go back to being practical. But for now, she’s all in. 

:::

She learned a long time ago to stop trying to figure out how Logan and the boys make things happen. Logan mentions something about bribing the town selectmen, and Colin chimes in that it was an extremely over priced endeavor. But apparently Taylor has been incentivized to look the other way, and there’s a cleaning crew coming in at dawn. Robert assures her that it will all be back to normal before anyone is the wiser, so for now that’s enough to ease Rory’s worry about being chased out of town.

Instead she drinks she champagne, wears some ridiculous clothing, and revels in the closeness of the man she loved. After months of being apart it’s a relief to finally give in and let herself enjoy being with him. They laugh and drink, and dance and joke like it’s old times. 

It’s the perfect escape, until it’s not. 

:::

“Are you really going to marry Odette?”

The words tumble out of her mouth before she can stop herself. Maybe it’s the champagne or the freedom of a night of forgetting her troubles, or maybe, just maybe it’s the fact that he just offered her an entire house complete with a groundskeeper and a maid in Maine. 

He says it’s a place for her to write her book. But she knows better than that. It’s a way for them to stay in touch. She’ll stay there, research, read, writer, live her life, and he’ll drop in occasionally. They’ll say they’re just friends, but that won’t last long. (They were never, ever, just friends). When they’re together it will be like playing house. Like life in London, but with an ocean back drop. 

But when they’re not it will be even worse than before. If they keep doing this, sooner or later, she might just be an official mistress. A kept woman. Sleeping with another woman’s husband. Again. The thought of Logan as someone else’s husband sickens her almost as much as the thought of repeating her past mistakes over and over again. But still, she doesn’t want to let him go. So for better or worse, the words tumble out of her mouth. 

If she’d taken another moment, she might not have said it. But she does, and she can’t take it back. So instead she waits to hear the answer she’s been dreading since she first saw their wedding announcement. The silence seems to stretch between them forever, and she has to bite her tongue to stop herself from adding _because I don’t want you to_ or _because you shouldn’t_ , or most selfishly of all _because you should marry me instead._

She had her chance and she blew it. For her. For him. Their chance at happiness together had come and go. She can’t ask for a second shot, not without knowing that that’s what he really wants. In moments like this she thinks it might be, but then she thinks if it was he wouldn’t have let it get this far with Odette. Logan always went after what he wants, but he’d let her take the lead every step of the way here, and never made a move to change his situation with Odette. 

She can’t say she blames him for wanting to keep things casual. Her life is a mess, and he’s at the top of his game. A successful career. A good relationship with his family. A beautiful fiancé who he must at least care for, if not love. His whole life turned out exactly as planned, while hers turned into an absolute disaster. So she’s not sure why she’s still so shocked when she hears his answer.

“That’s the dynastic plan.”

She waits for him to say more. Waits for him to ask her to ask him not to. Waits for him to say it’s not what he wants. She waits for him to ask her to give him a reason not to. But he doesn’t. So she doesn’t. And that’s that then. This is really the end. 

She takes a sip of her champagne and steadies herself for goodbye. 

:::

Here’s the thing. Their last few breakups had all been abrupt and unplanned.  
Say what you want about their relationship, but they were always a passionate pair. In their best moments and in their worst, they’d always acted on emotion. When they’d ended things it was out of, anger and unsaid words bubbling under the surface until they burst, or harsh, rash moments, the result of lashing out. All the other times, she’d never seen it coming. But this time, she knows. She knows when they part ways this time she won’t seem him again, even if he doesn’t yet. So she tries her very best to savor it for the both of them.

She dances a little longer, drinks a little more, and stays out a little later. By the time they show up to the inn and she realizes he’s rented the entire thing out for them, she’s surrender any last reservations she’s had about going all in for their last night together. Dragging Logan into his room is not how she expected this night to end. But here now, with him, the champagne flowing through her veins, and the sting of having one last chance to say goodbye before he officially belongs to someone else, it’s a chance she can’t pass up.

He leads her down the hallway towards their room, with their limbs entwined, stopping to back her into every available surface. He kisses like he means it, like he’s desperate to show her exactly what she’s been missing all these months. And she’s desperate to make up for lost time too. She tangles her hands in his hair and he kisses down her neck, backs her towards the bed. They shed their clothing piece by piece, and he clings to her, kisses her softly, runs his hand down her cheek, and looks at her in a way that stops her breathe.

“Rory,” he murmurs between kisses, and she knows exactly what his next words will be. But he can’t, not now, not like this, not when they have to say goodbye in the morning. So instead she reaches up, wraps her arms around his neck, and kisses him furiously. 

“I know,” she whispers, and kisses him again. “I know, me too.”

Logan sighs, closes his eyes, and joins them together as she brings her lips to his once more. Later, she falls asleep with her head on his chest, him playing with her hair, as she tries not to count the hours they have left.

:::

She wakes in the morning, still counting, as she fiddles with the key he handed her last night.

She never intended to take Logan up on his offer. Sure it was tempting. A quick fix. Have someone pay her bills. Cook her dinner. Shop for her. Give her the space she needs to take a breath and produce great work. It would make her life so much easier. But somewhere between breaking it off with Logan, losing touch with her mom, and writing a book that’s forced her to reflect on her entire life she’s realized she can’t keep taking the easy way out. She needs to push through and make it on her own, if for no other reason than to prove to herself that she actually can. But still, she didn’t say no right away. If only to avoid ruining the moment, she puts it off until she has to.

In the morning light she decides she has to. She needs to end it here and now, after they’ve had a wonderful night together. Not in the car or at the airport, when they’ve both grown sad and sullen. So she waits for him to wake, and reminds herself to smile, tries not to cry. She hands him back the key, and tries to convince them both that they’ll be okay. Then, she does it a second time with all the boys, watching them walk away one by one.

Logan gives her one last kiss, and its so sweet, and innocent, and unlike them that she feels like she’s lost him already. One last look, a parting comment from him that they both know feels entirely forced, and then he’s really gone.

She cries in the car on the way home, and then resolves to put this behind her and move on. Logan is getting married, and she, well she’s got a book to write. 

:::;

Five weeks later she’s booking dates on her calendar and realizes that something is suspiciously missing. She counts back. Counts again. And then once more. And then her stomach drops. It could be stress. Her period has been late before. She’s never been one of those girls who can predict its exact arrival date. But she’s also never been able to count back the appropriate number of weeks and realize exactly when it could have happened.

It could just be a fluke, but in the back of her mind, from that moment on, she knows its not. 

A few days later when her period still hasn’t shown up, she drives to Woodbury and buys ten different pregnancy tests, wraps them in two plastic backs and leaves them in her car under the passenger’s seat. When Zach and the boys are asleep and Lane offers to pour them each a glass of wine Rory confesses everything. 

They retrieve the tests and Rory takes each of them, following the directions diligently as if she’ll get a reprieve for doing as she’s told. One by one each test tells her the same thing, something she knew from the moment she checked her calendar. 

She’s pregnant.

She reaches for the wine then catches herself and puts it down. Then she goes to pour herself some coffee, and thinks better of it as she places the mug to her lips. Lane helpfully offers her a juice box. There on her best friends couch, sipping a juice box she lets it sink in. She’s pregnant. With her engaged ex-boyfriend’s baby.

She’s going to need another juice box. 

::::

Going to see her Dad is a stupid idea. She knows that before she even enters his office, but she still goes. Maybe to hear him say he wanted to be a part of her life. Maybe to convince herself that she should tell Logan. Maybe as a way to convince herself to leave him out of it. She’s not sure. All she knows is she leaves with even less answers than she went in with. 

She’s known who her father is for a very long time now. As a child, and as a teenager she tried to deny it. In college, when he tired to change, she mistakenly gave him the benefit of the doubt. But now, she’s just resigned to it. Her dad just wasn’t the guy to step up. He couldn’t be counted on when times got tough. Not when she was ten and asking him to come to Christmas dinner, and definitely not now. 

She loves her life with her mom. She loves how she grew up and she wouldn’t change a thing. But the idea that her father wouldn’t either? That he's ok with not being a part of her life? That _he_ has not regrets? It’s like a punch in the gut to hear him finally confirm it. Especially after all those years of trying to make up for it. In the end, he was really just trying to appease his guilt. For leaving her and her mom. For not stepping up. For staying for Gigi but not for her. She could go on, but it’s nothing she hasn’t considered a thousand times before.

She’s not stupid. If she couldn’t figure it out from daytime soaps her Psych 101 class freshman year confirmed that she has Daddy issues. Loads of them. Always needing a man in her life? Check. Commitment issues? Check. Attraction to emotionally unavailable men? Check. Check. Check.

She also knows that Logan is a lot like Christopher, at least on the surface. And this latest predicament isn’t helping that comparison. But she also knows, deep, deep down in her gut that Logan is not Christopher. And that if Logan knew about this baby he would want to be involved. He would want to be there.

She thinks about Luke and April and all the years lost between the two, how mad Luke was when he realized what he lost, how hurt he was that Anna didn’t tell him. He’s spent every day sine then trying to make up for lost time, at the expense of everything else he cared about, even his relationship with Lorelai. She has to tell him. She knows Luke would agree. Even if her mother might not. 

:::

To be fair, Rory’s timing could have been better. 

It’s not like she’d planned to drop a bomb like that on her mother the morning after her wedding. But sitting there, staring at a glass of champagne she most definitely cannot drink, something just snaps. It’s like she can’t control herself. All the lying and misdirects and half truths finally caught up to her, and she just cannot add another one to the list

Her mother is understandably shocked, frustrated, concerned. And frankly, when Rory admits its Logan’s, she’s pissed. Not that she expected anything less. She’d fallen from grace in her mother’s mind a long time ago, but all she had to do was one thing to still be a success. Not become a single, un-wed mother. It’s almost freeing knowing that ship has finally sailed as well.

It’s pretty clear she thinks getting Logan and the Huntzbergers involved in anyway is a bad idea. But that’s a battle to be fought on another day. And when it comes down to it, Lorelai is still Lorelai. So she gives her a hug and tells her they’ll work it out. Then she makes a joke about taking her shopping for her first pair of maternity pants. 

:::

In case there was still a questions, she's going to keep the baby.

She won’t lie and say there was never a doubt in her mind because there was. There absolutely was. She’s 32 with no real job prospects, no permanent address, and no chance of raising this baby as anything other than a single mom. She writes a pro/con list and the answer is obvious. She should not have this baby. 

That’s what the paper says. But her gut, her instincts, something deep inside her says something else. This was not planned. The circumstances were not ideal. She is not prepared for this is any way. At all. But still, ten pink sticks and an early bout of morning sickness later, and she already loves this baby. Her and Logan’s baby. 

It’s probably not the smart choice, but most of her choices haven’t been all that smart lately anyway. Not to mention that if her mother had been practical she most definitely would not be here. So she’s going to do this. She’s not sure how but she’ll figure it out. She likes to think of it as one last adventure sent her way by Logan. 

In omnia paratus.


	4. part four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's not sure what choice Logan will make, but she knows she needs to give him the chance to truly make it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It's been a while. Partly because I've been busy and partly because these characters just won't seem to do what I ask. I'd had some plans to keep them apart a bit longer, but they just wouldn't have it. So I hope you like the direction they took it in.

The plan, discussed and analyzed, and carefully considered over many a pro/co list is to wait until after Logan gets married and then tell him about the pregnancy. The society pages tell her the wedding had been set for June of 2017. So is Rory's due date. So he won't miss much. Just some puking and a few late night Chinese food runs.

Once he and Odette are back from their honeymoon and settled she'll make the call, and tell him he could be as involved or uninvolved as he wanted. No judgment. No pressure. She just feels he had the right to know.

It's not perfect but it's the best she has right now. Because she won't tell him before. She won't get in the way. She will not derail his life right along with her own. He deserves so much more then that. Still, she desperately wants to pick up the phone and call him.

Instead, she writes another chapter.

::::

The book is coming along slowly. She's been writing steadily since they said goodbye all those weeks ago. It's the perfect distraction. Especially since the early stages of her life have nothing to do with him. She loses herself in the world of Chilton, when her biggest issue was not being able to tell a boy she loves him. But then again, isn't that the issue now too?

When the book gets too serious she turns to less emotional tasks. Like grad school applications. If she's going to be a teacher then she needs a masters in education. And she does want to be one. Once she checked her ego and really thought about it the idea made a lot of sense. She loved school and learning, and a solid, steady job is probably just what she needs. Especially with a baby to support. Being a vagabond isn't quite as appealing when you're carrying a newborn from couch to couch right along with you. She'll keep writing her book on the side. And she's also still running the Stars Hollow Gazette (Although that's running pretty smoothly now that she's figure out a system.)

For all her talk about her crazy life, rushing from place to place, she's busier now then she's been in years. It feels good to be working towards something again, to have an end goal. And the baby's due date has given her a timeline, forcing her to stay on track.

She knows her mom likes the idea too. One night Lorelai wakes up after midnight, after another strange dream, to see Rory studying for some entrance exams. She's surrounded by books and a pot of decaf coffee, and wearing one of her old matching pajamas sets. Her mom pours herself a cup of coffee and sits down beside her. When she's done reading her passage she looks up. "What is it?"

Lorelai shakes her head "Nothing. I'm just proud of you, kid."

Rory smiles and takes another sip of her decaf. It's been a long time since she's heard that.

:::

It's week eight, and it's the baby's first ultrasound, and Lorelai is at her side.

Her mother holds her hand as they place the cool jelly on her stomach and watch the screen, waiting for something to happen. Then she sees it, her baby. Their baby. Suddenly it all becomes a little more real. By the time she hears the heartbeat there are tears streaming down her eye. She knew she wanted to keep the baby, but this is the moment she'll look back on and remember being excited to become a mom. This is the moment when her switch flipped. It's also a moment she wishes she was sharing with Logan.

She wants to pick up the phone and call so many times, but their goodbyes stop her. His family stops her. His obligations. Her pride. There are so many obstacles in their way. It would all be so difficult. And he still might not choose you, a little voice in the back of her head whispers. She doesn't want to think that that's the reason she doesn't pick up the phone to call him, but she knows its part of it.

:::

Instead she tells other people. Luke who does a great job of pretending he didn't already know. Lane who is shocked, but cautiously excited. Paris who insists on being her obgyn. That is, after she offers to hire a hit man to take out Logan. Or his French fiancé. (It's a strong no on both accounts.) And slowly but surely, the entire town of Stars Hollow.

Then there's her grandmother.

Now that she's closing in on the end of the first trimester it can no longer be avoided. She practices on Lorelai, but her mother's impressions don't make her feel any better. So eventually she just bites the bullet, tells her grandmother she's coming out a week earlier than she planned for their holiday festivities and braces herself for the worst of the worst. When it comes down to it, she just says it, with no frills, right as Emily serves cocktails.

"Grandma," she says, "I'm pregnant. Logan is the father but we're not together. He's engaged to someone else." She pauses for a moment, but Emily doesn't say anything. She doesn't look mad, just shocked maybe. So she keeps going. "I'll tell him eventually. After his wedding. But you shouldn't expect us to be together."

Still nothing. So she goes for her closer. "I realize this isn't what you wanted for me but, I hope you can support me anyway."

Emily takes a sip of her cocktail and then places it on a coaster. She looks Rory straight on, purses her lips, and finally says. "Thank you for telling me Rory. Of course I'll support you."

"Really?" She asks, suspiciously. This was not the reaction she was expecting.

"Yes, really." Emily says. Then she stands and reaches for the untouched glass in front of her.

"Now let me get you some seltzer instead of that martini."

Emily only makes one more comment on the subject, just as she's about to leave the room. "You know your grandfather was engaged to someone else when we first met."

Rory throws herself back onto the couch and screams into a throw pillow.

:::

After that, Rory spends a lot of time on Nantucket during the early days of 2017. It's quiet and beautiful, and a great place for her to continue writing, which she does, none stop. In between puking and eating saltines.

And stalking Logan's fiancé.

Odette's a bit of a socialite, and there's more than a few blogs eager to cover her and Logan's wedding. It seems wedding preparations are officially underway, and every gossip site is desperate to get all the juicy details. Rory reads every line- from bridesmaid dresses to floral arrangements. And sometimes she can't tell if it's the extravagance of this wedding or the morning sickness that's making her puke.

But for every hour she spends stalking her baby-daddy, she has to spend two writing. It's a very productive system.

:::

It's not the sonogram that convinces her she needs to tell Logan. Or Emily's gentle needling about people sometimes needing a push in the right direction. Or Luke's reminders about how much he missed out on with April. Instead, it's her baby. Their baby.

She's eating celery sticks (pregnancy cravings are weird!) and re-working the chapter on her first day of Chilton when she feels it. A light fluttering in her stomach. Butterflies. Their baby was kicking. It's then that she gets it. It's not about her and Logan. It's not about if he choses her or not. It's about giving him the chance to choose his child. To choose moments like this. It's a choice her father had and walked away from, and a choice Luke never got.

She's not sure what choice Logan will make, but she knows she needs to give him the chance to truly make it before he's committed to another life.

:::

Still, in early March, when she's back in Stars Hollow, it's not Logan she calls. It's Colin.

He's always been the most reserved with her, cautious of her return to Logan's life. He was the last one to forgive Rory for breaking Logan's heart and the most skeptical of their arrangement. And if anyone was going to tell her the truth, that Logan really was happy and better off without her, it would be him. So she calls and asks him to meet her for coffee, says she has some stuff she wants to talk through, that she doesn't want to disrupt Logan's life, and that she could use some advice.

He seems suspicious but he agrees, and they plan to meet at a coffee shop in Hartford.

She doesn't tell him she's pregnant.

:::

The next day, they get through the formalities, and then the waitress comes to take their order. She orders decaf and it's all over. She see's the color drain from his face, as he mutters "Oh, God."

And suddenly, this feels like the worst idea she's ever had. "Oh god," she echoes, standing from her chair, "Oh God."

"Rory," Colin stands. "Rory, wait- don't."

But she just shakes her head, placing her hand over her stomach as she walks backwards. Ignoring the dizziness that has suddenly washed over her, she says."This was a bad idea."

"Wait," Colin grabs her arm. "Just tell me, Rory are you-"

"I'm pregnant," she says. And then she passes out.

::

When Rory wakes up she's in a hospital bed, and her mom is standing over her. When Lorelai sees her eyes flutter, she reaches out and grabs her hand. "Hey sleepy head. How are you feeling?"

Instinctively, she reaches to touch her stomach. "Mom, the baby-"

"Is fine. Everything is fine." She says, but there are tears in her eyes. "It was stress and over-exhaustion. But if you take care of yourself and slow down it will all be ok."

Rory signs, releasing a breath. She closes her eyes, ready to drift off again. Then like a jolt she remembers where she was when this all started. "Colin. Logan. Mom-"

Lorelai sighs. "No stress, remember? We'll deal with it when you wake up." She wants to protest, but without even realizing it she drifts off again.

:::

This time when Rory wakes it's to shouting outside her door. Coming from a voice that sounds like Logan's. "Where is she?" Muffled voices, and then, "I don't care. I need to see her."

It's Lorelai who responds, louder this time. "Logan, you really need to let her rest. This isn't a good time."

"It never is," he bites back. Then his voice gets noticeably softer. "I just want to make sure she's ok."

"Logan-" It's Colin now. He must have called Logan, she thinks, in her dazed state. "I know you want to see her, but before you do, there's something you should know."

She wants to hear the rest, but she just can't stay awake any longer.

::::

It's Logan at her bedside this time. He's in his dress clothes, his jacket and tie gone, and his hair sticking up from every direction. His eyes are bloodshot. He looks... terrible, and her breaks for him.

She reaches out to shift some hair out of his face, and the movement wakes him. Suddenly his entire face changes. He's looking at her with so much anger, and so much worry all at once. She's never seen him look like that before.

"Logan," she starts, but he cuts her off, leaning forward in his chair. "Are you ok?"

"What?" She fumbles over the question. That is not where she thought this was going.

"Are you ok? Do you feel ok? Everything feels...normal?"

She takes a minute to think about it. Takes a deep breathe and places her hand on her stomach "Yes, everything is fine. "

"Good," he says, pushing out of his chair to stand. "Now my next question. Why didn't I know you were pregnant with my baby?"

"Logan-"

Again, he cuts her off, beginning to pace. "This is our baby right? I'm assuming so, because the timing matches up. But just to make sure I'm not un-righteously angry here. This is my baby. Not Pete or Pats or-"

Rory sighs, wipes the sleep from her eyes. They're doing this now. "Paul. His name was Paul."

"I don't really give a fuck, Rory." He snaps. And to be fair, she gets that. So she says, "Yes. It's our baby. Yours and mine. There's been no one else."

"Funny, because I don't remember being invited to the sonogram."

"That's because the situation was-is complicated."

"Well un-complicate it for me Rory. What gives you the right to keep this baby from me? You can keep me out of your life if that's what you want, but this is my child. I have rights."

"Our child," she corrects. "And I wasn't keeping the baby from you. I was going to tell you."

Realization dawns on his face, and he runs his hands down his face, then through his hair before asking the question he already knows the answer to. "When?"

"I didn't want to mess up your plans," she hedges.

"When Rory?

"Originally, after the wedding but then-"

"Jesus, Rory!" He says, pacing again.

"I still don't want to mess up your plans! Of course you can be a part of this baby's life in anyway you want. That's why I asked Colin to meet me! But you and Odette-"

"Odette!" He's laughing now, half angry, half delirious from jet lag and sleep deprivation. "There is no me and Odette, Rory."

"What do you mean?" She asks, her heart suddenly in her throat.

Logan turns to face her head on. "I broke it off last week," he says. Then he turns and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

:::::

The fourth time she wakes up in her hospital bed it's once again with Logan by her side, awake, and aware, staring straight at her. When he sees her stir he gives her a half smile. "Hey Ace,"

"You're back," she says, softly. "You're here."

He shakes his head, half smiling. "I just went out to get some fresh air and a coffee. I wasn't going anywhere. Not really."

It makes sense when he says it now, but at the moment she'd convinced herself that she'd lost her chance, that she'd handled it all wrong and now he was gone for good. She doesn't know what to say, so she grabs his hand and squeezes. He squeezes back. "Colin talked me down. Told me you called him. Told me there was probably more to it than I thought. To think about it from your point of view."

"Logan," she says softly and her voice cracks, the tears suddenly streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry. "

He grabs her hand with his own. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled like that."

"You have to know. I was going to tell. I'd originally planned to wait until after the wedding but I couldn't do it. I couldn't do the right thing. Not after I felt the baby kick. But with all the wedding stuff everywhere I was afraid I was too late."

Logan winces visibly. "That's why I called Colin. I wanted to find out if you'd really moved on. "

"Rory it's been ten years," he says wiping a tear from her cheek. "You should know by now there's no moving on for me. Not when it comes to you."

:::

After that, they don't have much time to talk. Rory is overwhelmed with visits from her grandmother and Luke. Lane and Zach. And Paris and Doyle (who strangely enough arrive and leave together.) None of them are exactly Logan- friendly.

So Logan takes the time to go back to Colin's, take a shower, eat, and "deal with some things." Rory can only imagine that means dealing with the ramifications of walking out of a financial planning meeting when Colin had texted him the super vague _Rory is in the hospital. Thought you should know._ Colin told her that he got in a car and went directly to the airport. Logan was such a wreck that Colin couldn't even bring himself to tell him about the pregnancy over the phone. Even though she hates the idea of him falling apart like that it makes her heart hurt to know that after everything they'd been through he'd get on a transatlantic flight to come see her in heartbeat if she needed him.

And she did need him. More than she even realized.

Not that everything is fixed. In fact, nothing is fixed. They are so far from ok. There's so much they need to talk through, questions to be answered and plans to be made. But for now it's enough to know that he's nearby. And not engaged to another woman.

:::

When it's time for her to leave the hospital, she's sort of afraid to go. She hasn't gone a day with out seeing him since he showed up next to her hospital bed last week. The circumstances were less than ideal, but still it's a luxury they haven't had in a very long time. And they still have so much to talk about.

She feels it from him too. He spends the whole morning at her bedside, packing and unpacking her bag, and asking the nurse the same questions over again. When really, the only question on her mind is what happens now? Is he headed back to London? He may no longer be engaged but he still lives on another continent. They haven't even talked about it. They don't have a plan.

"What's the plan?" She finally says, and he looks up from repacking her duffle bag. "What's the plan now? I've been here. You've been living out of the hospital with me. I'm going back to my mom's but you- are you going to Colin's? Back to London? What are we going to do?"

"I-I don't know." He says. "I have to go back eventually. At least to figure some stuff out, but not yet. I guess…I can go back to Colin's for now. Until we've figured out a plan."

She bites her lip. That's still a 30-minute drive from her mom's. "Or you can stay at the Dragon Fly. I can have my mom set us up with a room. And we can… talk."

He smiles, and without hesitation says, "Ok."

"Ok."

::

When they're alone and settled, and away from prying eyes, a different sort of tension builds. They still haven't talked about it, not really. They're both afraid to bring it up, to bridge this peace that's settled between them. But on their second day at the inn the universe gives them a push.

"You have got to be kidding me."

She peaks her head out of the bathroom to see Logan glaring at her charging phone. "What is it?"

He looks up at her, anger and hurt in his eyes. "You're still seeing him?"

She's genuinely confused now. "What? Who?"

"Paul." He throws her phone at her, and she catches it and looks down. Sure enough there's an unread message from her sort-of ex.

"No Logan. I'm not. That's over. In fact," she admits, placing the phone down and walking into the bedroom. "We were never even really together."

Logan snorts. "Rory, you don't have to lie. I saw the Instagram photos."

"Photo." She corrects. "And that wasn't what it looked like."

"What was it then?"

She looks down at her stomach, then up at the man standing in front of her, and tries something new. Honesty. "Me trying to get over you."

Logan laughs, angrily. "That's funny. You trying to get over me? When for the last few years all I've been doing is trying to get you back."

Rory glares, annoyed by his incredulity when he was the one engaged to another woman. "Really? You sure have a funny way of showing it."

Logan walks over to the mini-bar and pours himself a drink. "I guess we're doing this now, huh?"

She knows exactly what he means. They've both been walking on eggshells waiting for the blowout. And the time has finally arrived. "I guess so."

"Fine" he says, "I'll start." And then without missing a beat, "You walked away. You stopped answering my calls. You handed me back the key. You ended things. Every time."

"Logan!" She screeches. "You were engaged. To a French heiress. I'm sorry if I didn't want to settle for being your dirty mistress."

"Rory that's not—"

"What you meant?" She asks "But that's how it would have been right? I didn't want another house in Maine or a pity trust fund or obligatory declarations and proposals"

"Obligatory? You thought I'd feel obligated to you?" He takes another sip of his drink. "Rory I've been in love with you since I was 20! I proposed to you! I wanted a life with you!

"That was years ago Logan!" She screams. "I didn't know what you're thinking. This time it was all Vegas, and no strings, like we were starting all over again!"

"That was your idea." He shoots back, and just as quickly she adds, "And the French heiress fiancé? Was that my idea too?"

"I got out of it." He says suddenly quieter, less angry. "I never wanted that."

"Yes," Rory says, quieter now too, but just as serious. "You got out of it. And you didn't come after me."

Logan walks the distance between them, and grabs her shoulder. "I didn't know I could, Rory. I didn't know that was an option. That we were still an option."

She sighs, and shakes her head. "We're such idiots. All I wanted was another shot with you. I just didn't feel like I had the right to ask. Not after last time."

"And I didn't think you wanted serious with me. This time or last time." He shrugs, "But I figured something was better than nothing."

Rory places her hand to his cheek. "It was never about you. I was too young. And too scared. And I had all these ideas about how I had to go off and conquer the world and make it on my own."

She sighs and sits down on the bed. "And fast forward all these years later and I'm such a mess, and you're this huge success. I just—I thought you deserved better I guess."

"Ace," He walks towards her, kneels down in front of her, wipes a tear from her eye. "Don't you know you're the only one I've ever wanted?"

A smile breaks through the tears that have been building, and she places a chaste kiss on his lips, before falling onto the bed behind her. "I can't believe how long it took us to have this conversation.

Logan snorts, and lays down beside her. "Only took ten years, two continents, a few scorned lovers and a baby."

Rory groans and covers her face with her hand, but he grabs it away and looks at her straight on. "Seriously, though," he says, his voice low. "We're doing this then?"

She smiles, her tone matching his. "Yeah, I think we are."


	5. part five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory isn’t sure exactly what her mother had in mind when she asked Rory and Logan to take it slow, but it probably wasn’t Logan turning his entire life upside down and flat our refusing to return to London until there were plains in motion for him to make a permanent move to New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, it’s been a while. But there’s probably only one more chapter after this and my goal is to finish it before the revival’s one-year anniversary. So stay tuned.

Their happiness at reuniting lasts all of about a day before chaos ensues. Starting with the arrival of Finn. 

The Australian barrels into their room complaining about not being told about this sooner and how he can't believe Colin of all people scooped him. And how could Rory not mention this to him when they spoke last month, and how could Logan not tell him he was back in the states. And there’s going to be a mini Gilmore-Huntzberger baby so why are they not out celebrating? 

Rory has been on bed rest for far too long for her liking, and them being here together is sort of impossible. So for once she can’t really argue with Finn’s logic. So he drops his bag in the room next door (after Logan throws him out of their room), and calls Colin who calls for dinner reservations and a limo and an appearance by Robert. Then Rory calls Lane and Zach and tells them to get a babysitter because its been far too long since she’s spent uninterrupted time wish her best friend. They pick them up along the way and head to New York for the night, where the newly reunited Paris and Doyle meet them for dinner and drinks (Sparkling Cider for Rory of course).

It’s a little awkward at first, with all the parts of Rory’s life mingling for the first time ever really, but Finn pushes right past that when he breaks out his old Passion of the Christ impersonation for one final performance. After that it’s a lot of reminiscing about good times and bad, and all the embarrassing moments in between. 

Colin tells the story of just how upset Logan was when Rory didn’t find their impromptu performance during her Professor Bell’s class funny, and he swears he knew right then and there that Rory was it for Logan. Paris snorts and Finn adds some colorful remarks, but Logan catches her eye as he holds her a little tighter and in that moment she can almost believe he knew it too. 

:::

They arrive back at the inn the next morning in great moods, but also exhausted and absolutely starving. So as Rory and Logan get the boys set up with rooms, Colin, Finn, and Robert head to the dining room and order one of everything off the breakfast menu, Finn never taking his sunglasses off the entire time, and Robert and Colin refusing to use the letter B. 

Lorelai remains tight-lipped, laughing it off when Colin tries to buy the place, Finn begins to flirt shamelessly with Michel, and Logan tries his best not to egg his friends on too much. But Lorelai doesn’t need to say anything for Rory to know exactly what her mother is thinking. 

:::

When the weekend is over, and the boys leave, Logan heads into the NY office to deal with some work fallout. So Rory picks up danishes and two cups of coffee (she’s allowed one per day, she checked), and heads to her mom’s house. Once she’s plied her mother with caffeine and sugary treats, she sits her down at the kitchen table in her childhood home and says it as plainly as she can. “Mom, Logan is back in my life. And we’re doing this together. I need to know that you're on board.”

Lorelai brings up some very valid points. Like the fact that she and Logan haven't been a real couple in years. And the fact that his family hates her. And that he still technically lives in another country. And that neither one of them has best track record with relationships. 

And Rory acknowledges every last one of those points. Because it's true. And it would all make it onto a pro/con list if she bothered to make one. But she's not, because there's one thing that outweighs all the rest. So she waits until Lorelai finishes saying everything she's kept bottled up since Logan showed up at her bedside, and then makes her point. 

"I get all that," she tells her mom. "Really I do. I know why you're concerned." Then she pauses. 

"But..."Lorelai begins. 

"But…Logan is the baby's father, and more importantly he's the love of my life. I love him Mom, I love him so much. I’ve been running from it for a long time, but I can’t anymore. He’s it for me.”

Lorelai sighs and takes a sip of her coffee. "Well I can't argue with that."

"No," Rory says pointedly. "You can't." Then adds. “I know this isn’t how you handled things-“

Lorelai cuts her off, squeezing her hand. “Hey kid, don’t worry about that. It’s a very different situation. I was very young and very unhappy where I was, and most importantly, your Dad wasn’t the one.”

Rory nods, and squeezes back in reply. 

"Can you just promise me one thing?" Her mother adds. 

"What's that?"

"Promise me you won't rush into anything? Ok? Take it slow."

"Absolutely," Rory says. "Slow."

:::

Rory isn’t sure exactly what her mother had in mind when she asked Rory and Logan to take it slow, but it probably wasn’t Logan turning his entire life upside down and flat our refusing to return to London until there were plains in motion for him to make a permanent move to New York.

“Logan. You have a life in London,” she tells him as they walk the aisles of an insanely over priced baby store, adding items to their cart purely because they were on a checklist she found online.

“No, I have a job in London,” he counters, as he pulls the most expensive set of pacifiers off the shelf.”

“And that job is an important part of your life. Seriously Logan,” she stops and turns towards him. “I want to be with you. You know, I do, and I want you in her life.”

He shakes his head, “It’s going to be a boy, Ace. I can feel it.”

She smirks and continues, “I want you in her life. But if we need to do the transatlantic thing for a little longer we’ll survive. I understand.”

“I’m done doing things halfway, Rory. And I’m done doing things because someone else wants me to do them that way. Or because it will upset less people or be easier in the short term. I want to be here with you.” He says seriously. “Now I’m good at my job, and since my name is on the masthead I think I have a little bit of leverage. So we’ll work it out so that I can continue to be good at my job in the NYC office. Ok?”

Rory lets out a sigh. It’s what she wants too, so why is she fighting. “Ok.”

“Now,” he tells her, “Onto more important questions. Like what in God’s name is a diaper genie?”

:::

In an ideal world, it would be that’s simple. But it’s definitely not. Because even if Logan could work it out from a professional standpoint, there’s still a lot of personal issues to deal with.

When she asks about his family, Logan uses It's fine, and Don't worry, a lot. But she knows he's getting heat for all of it. For all put picking up and moving to another continent. For an unplanned pregnancy he’s refused to keep under wraps. For backing out of a marriage with Odette. For being with Rory period.

She asks Colin and Finn about it, but they won't say much, probably on Logan's orders. He tries to hide the tense phone calls behind closed doors, but she still hears the raised voices sometimes. Shouts of _my life_ and _my child_ and I don't really give a fuck.

That's why she's really not that surprised when she and Logan find Mitchum Huntzberger sitting in the dining room of the Dragon Fly Inn sipping a cup of coffee one morning. 

"Hello Logan, and Rory so nice to see you. I suppose congratulations are in order?"

Logan tenses beside her immediately, moving to take a step in front of her. "What are you doing here?"

Mitchum puts down his coffee and stands. “Looking for my COO. Have you seen him?”

“Yeah, he was just on a conference call last night. And answering emails this morning. And approving media placements—“

“From another continent,” Mitchum interjects. 

Logan steps forward. “You have nothing to complain about. My work has been impeccable. Nothing has slipped-"

Mitchum steps closer too. "But you're not present. You're not at the board meetings. And you have yet to offer a solution as to how we're going to recover from the loss of the 5 million dollar investment HPG would have been getting if you'd done as you were supposed to and married Odette."

Rory sucks in a breath, suddenly dizzy. She places a hand on the chair in front of her for balance. “Logan, you didn’t---“

But he shakes his head, his nostrils flaring in anger. "Dad this isn't the time-"

"No I think it is the time. It’s the perfect time to talk about what you cost us and why.” He says, pointing a finger at Logan. “What it's not the time for is this little opportunist showing up pregnant right when she realized she was going to lose you for good."

Logan lunges forward, but Rory puts a hand to his chest. "Logan, it's not worth it."

Logan stops for a minute, takes a breath, and steps around Rory. "Yes," he says, "it is." Then he punches his father in the face. 

Mitchum curses, but recovers quickly, and when he moves forward, Logan steps forward too. “Listen to me Dad. Rory is pregnant. And we're having this baby and we're raising it together. You and Mom can choose to be involved and supportive grandparents to this child. Or you can stay the fuck away. Its your choice.”

He turns away without waiting for Mitchum’s answer and leads Rory out of the room.

:::

Later, while she ices his hand, she makes Logan tell her everything. It's about as bad as she thinks it is.

"I think," he says after a moment's hesitation. "What's going to happen is that we're just going to pay them out to shut them up."

"We're?" She asks, as she pulls more ice from the mini fridge. 

"Odette and I." He answers and quickly adds, "Her lawyer contacted mine, and honestly it's the easiest solution for all of us. We split the difference of the investment her family was going to make from our own private assets and we can all move on."

Rory drops the ice. "Logan, that's over two million dollars."

He laughs and removes the rag from her hand. "Yes, Ace, I know." 

"Wow," she says, stepping away from him and wrapping her arms around her stomach. "You not calling this off sooner suddenly makes a whole lot more sense."

"No, Ace, hey," He says, grabbing for her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "It's not about the money. It never was.”

"What do you mean?" 

"I didn't think you wanted to be with me. Not like that. So it didn't seem worth it to put up a fight. At least this way I'd do some good for the business. That's why I stayed."

She frowns. "But you called it off anyway."

"I did," he hedges, "I just...couldn't go through with it. It seemed too final."

"Logan," she breathes, placing her hands on his face so he looks at her. 

"I knew once I got married there was no going back for us. And at first, it seemed like a way to force myself to move on. But I couldn't give up the chance."

He gives her a sheepish smirk, as he pulls her a little closer. "Admittedly, it wasn't my smartest plan, seeing as how I didn't even tell you I ended it. But the way we left things--"

Rory cuts him off with a kiss, fierce, and deep, and more passionate than she's been since they reunited. "I love you," she says, once they break apart. "I'm in love with you. I'm sorry that I ever gave you a reason to doubt that."

He kisses her then, softly, his hands grasping at her desperately, her arms, her waist, her hair, as if they don't know where to land. He's hesitant, and suddenly she realizes why. "Rory," he mumbles, between kisses "the baby, can we- is it ok--"

Rory puts a hand to his lips, as she straddles him, one leg on either side, she places her hands to his chest. "The baby is fine, Logan," She whispers, before pushing him backwards onto the bed, following after him.

:::

When he finally does head back to London to deal with the life he left behind it's hard for both of them. Logically she knows it's different this time, but she can't shake the nausea that comes with saying goodbye to him as he leaves the country. And Logan isn't thrilled about the idea of leaving behind a pregnant Rory either. 

They stay up all night, wrapped up in each other, her head on his chest, his hand on her stomach, reveling in every movement their baby makes. When its time for him to go he wipes her tears, gives her one last kiss and heads to the car. "I'll call you when I land ok?" 

She nods her head, and turns to sit down on the porch swing at the inn to watch him drive away. A few minutes later, Lorelai comes out, sits beside her and squeezes her hand. It's not an overwhelming show of support, but it's a start. 

:::

With Logan gone, she moves back to her childhood bedroom for the interim, where she spends most of her time making list after list of things she needs to do before the baby arrives, writing new chapters of her book, sending out feelers for freelancer opportunities, prepping for her masters classes, and generally freaking out about absolutely everything she needs to do to get her life back on track.

Sensing this after a frantic phone call where she switched back and forth between baby lists and reading him excerpts of the very first Logan chapter, Logan sends Colin and Finn to calm her down. They knock on the door one afternoon, barreling past an annoyed Luke until they find her in bedroom, 20 pages deep in a popular mommy blog. Finn is carrying blue and pink baby balloons, streamers, and shopping bags, and Colin has bags of take out from her favorite burger place when they were bag at Yale.

"Hello love," Finn says, plopping down on the bed next to her. "We’ve brought snacks and gifts. Time for a break.” 

Lorelai comes home hours later to find them in almost the same position, takeout eaten, and on season 2 of Jane the Virgin ( _Gilmore this girl is a type A control freak, was raised by a single mom, and gets knocked up by a rich, reformed playboy. Someone is spying on your life,_ explains Colin). She shakes her head but doesn't say anything, and Rory thinks she might have even cracked a smile before walking out of the room.

:::

When Logan gets back to the states for good he takes a room at the Dragon Fly again, and Rory is back in childhood bedroom. She knows they need a real solution, and she’s had a few options thrown her way, but she’s afraid to bring them up and break the spell. Once he gets a place, reality will set in. Reality being, that they’re newly in a committed relationship with a baby on the way, and they’ll probably be living in different states with Logan’s plans to work out of the New York office. The problems that this will inevitably cause make her queasy, so she avoids bringing it up. Until Logan brings it up for her. 

A few nights after he’s back, when they’re settled in his room, he finally says, “You know as nice as it is to have a turn down service, we can’t stay here forever.”

Rory pulls him closer and closes her eyes. “Hush you.”

Logan pauses the TV and when he speaks again his voice is serious. “I mean it Ace. We need somewhere to live.” 

“We?” Rory asks. “Logan, I thought we agreed to take this slow.”

Logan sighs, runs a hand through his hair. “Fine. I need somewhere to live. But so do you. Unless Luke is planning on adding a nursery where the back porch currently is.” 

Rory bites her lip. She's been wondering how to tell him this part. “Actually Mom and Luke offered me Luke’s apartment above the dinner.”

“Aha.” Rory can feel him tense beside her. “So you’re staying in Stars Hollow.” 

It’s a statement. Not a question 

“I don’t know. I haven’t decided anything. But...it does seem sensible. With Mom and Luke nearby to help. And me having no job and no way to pay rent.”

“And me where? With what it’s taking to make the move from London to NY...I can’t work remote full time and I can’t commute from Stars Hollow.”

Rory sighs. “I know.”

He runs his hands over his face, clearly frustrated and trying to stay calm. “I get why you don’t want to move in together right away. And I even get why you want to stay close to your mom after being gone so long.”

“But?” She asks. 

“But I want to be there for this baby Rory. And for you. And I’m not sure how to make that happen.”

She sighs, pulls him closer and resolves not to think about it right now. “We’ll figure it out,” she says. Then she presses play on the TV. 

:::

Logan doesn’t broach the subject again until about a week later when he hijacks their post sonogram lunch and drives right past the restaurant they were supposed to be headed to. “Lunch can wait. I have something important to show you.”

“Seriously Logan. What could be more important than my burger and fries?” She says in all seriousness. 

Logan laughs. “You’ll see Ace.” 

He takes her to a brownstone in Hartford. Not the dramatic over the top part of Hartford that her grandmother lived in, but a younger, less grandiose, but still crazy expensive part of Hartford. She recognizes the neighborhood from Honor’s Facebook photos. 

“Logan,” she says, a bit speechless. “What are we doing here?”

It takes him a few tries to speak, and she realizes, she hasn’t seen him this nervous in a very long time.

“I know you don’t want grand gestures and the last time I picked out a house it didn’t go well. But I haven’t even made an offer yet, Ace. And if this isn’t what you want just say the word and it goes away. But I was thinking about our situation and how we could make this work for all of us, and what I kept coming back to Rory is that we need to be together. That’s what’s going to work.”

Without even realizing it she starts to tear up. “Logan...”

“I know we agreed to take it slow. And I’m not asking you to move in with me right now because I know that’s not what you want. But if I buy this house, will you promise to think about moving in eventually? Think about it Ace. All of us under one roof. Finally. You, me, and our little squash? That’s the right fruit size right, that’s what the doctor said today?”

“Yes,” she whispers so softly she’s not sure he hears her.

“But anyway we’ll be close to you mom and Luke. Close to Honor and Josh. But not too close. Plus I can easily commute to the NY office from here. People do it all the time because unlike in Stars Hollow there’s access to actual public transportation, and, there’s umm, bookshelves in that room in the back, which I thought would make a great study for you and…Rory, say something please,” he says finally.

Not for the first time around him, she’s at a loss for words. The house is gorgeous It has high ceilings, wood floors, a gorgeous bay window, a big back yard and three coffee shops within walking distance. It’s a great neighborhood. Her commute to Chilton would be a breeze, and she’d be able to see her mom whenever she wanted, and she’d have roots, and a place to spend her time that she actually wanted to be in, and all of her clothes in one place. And she’d have him. Which makes it perfect. So that’s what she says.

“It’s perfect Logan.”

Logan lights up at her response. “Really? So what do you say Ace?”

Rory closes her eyes, takes a deep breathe, and then jumps, her decision made. 

“No.”

“Wha—“

She smiles. “No I don’t want you to buy this house and think about moving in with you eventually. I want to buy it with you. And I want to move in with you. Now.”

Logan smiles. Then frowns. Then smiles again before uttering a short and ineloquent “Huh?”  
She snorts. If her heart wasn’t currently in her stomach she’d probably find the whole thing more amusing. 

“Yes to your general plan.” She says, with a smile. “But with those caveats.” 

“Ace, believe me I want nothing more than for you to move in here with me but the price is steep and —“

She closes her eyes, shakes her head. “Don’t worry about the price. I can do it.”

“Ace-“

“I can,” she says firmly, and then “I’ll use my trust fund.”

Logan looks at her incredulously. “Your what?”

“My trust fund. From my great grandma.” She pauses, considering. “Or I could use the money Grandpa left me. I’ll have to talk to Grandma but either way I’m sure she’ll be thrilled I’m finally making a dent in it.” 

“Rory,” Logan grabs her by both arms. “Back up. You have a trust fund?”

“Yes,” she concedes, not quite meeting his eye. “But I’ve never touched it. I wouldn’t even know how to honestly. But I got access to it when I turned 25, which my Grandma reminds me all the time.”

“Why have I never heard about this before?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” She says, knowing that’s not quite going to cut it. “I guess it kind of felt like cheating? I was trying to prove- I don't know what I was trying to prove. That I could do this on my own. Without help. Like my mom--“ 

"You're not—“

"My mom. I know. And I don't have to be. Doing this with you proves that. And really I’m ok with that now. Because we are not my mom and Dad at 16. And I’m definitely not my mom at 32. We’re different people with our own set of circumstances and we are doing what works for us.”

Logan smiles. “I agree. And I don’t want to talk you out of this, but you did want to take this slow…”

Rory rolls her eyes. “Honestly? Holding off just seems silly at this point. “I mean who were we kidding? When have we ever taken anything slow?”

He’s silent for a minute, and then. “Rory, are you sure about this?”

She nods her head, wrapping her arms around his neck. “If you jump I jump, Jack.”


End file.
